Not My Time

It has to be one of the hardest struggles in my life. I like to be in control of things. I like to know when things will happen. I like to plan ahead. I love to have things scheduled. I like to be prepared and ready. I like when I am in the loop and know what is going on. It really is a character flaw to a point. I mean how dare I think that it's possible to have so much of a handle on things.

Our daughter had surgery planned for this coming up Monday. It is a surgery we had to decide for her as parents. I was ready. I had plans in place for the other kids to be taken care of. I had Tylenol and bandages ready. I had asked the doctors tons of questions. I knew how the procedure would take place. I had dotted all my I's and crossed all my T's. My husband and I had done extensive research. We had disussed the issue in depth. I had come to peace with putting her through surgery. I was ready! Until they cancelled her surgery today due to a cold. What?! But I am ready. Let's get this done. It is time. It is already scheduled. (Of course I am 100% behind the surgeon putting her safety as the #1 priority, but these are thoughts in my head at the time!).

Boom! It hit me again, like many times before. It is NOT about MY time. It IS about HIS time. God is an on time God. God is never late and He is never early. God is always right on time. Who knows why some things happen in our lives. Who knows why some things happen at certain times in our lives. Who knows why Sparkler woke up today with a cough and cold. I may never know. But that does not matter. I trust that God has a plan for each of us and there is a time for each part of that plan- down to the second. Surgery for Sparkler on Monday was not part of her plan. Period. No argument to be made. I must accept that.

It really is kind of nice to know that I am not in control of things and that He is. I had really struggled with putting Sparkler through this surgery at such a young age. I was so focused on the pressure and responsibility I felt as a parent. I was so concerned with how I felt about the surgery. I had tuned God out in a sense- forgotten that I am His child and He is taking care of me. He shares my burdens and responsibilities. I can lean on Him, cry out to Him, ask Him for help. And He hears me. This "schedule adjustment" has forced me to turn my selfish focus back to my faith and trust in God. He is guiding me and if I listen, He will teach me so much.